I have been recieving a lot of messages, mails recently, mails mostly and I would swipe down my notification bar to see if it is by him and it would be from Ola or Samsung and not from him... Actually this situation would have not been created if I didn't do that...
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2 days ago
I was sitting uneasily asking myself why am I not able to move on? Why instead of living in the present or thinking about the future, I chose to live in the past? And my Instagram feed was filled with 'Move on', 'Live in the present' which made me take that as a sign to give life another chance... I remembered only 10% about us and the rest was forgotten because I chose to forget it but I know I can always anytime have it back... My past was alive because it was feeding itself on my memories which were stored in my mail boxes... Mail boxes, after Facebook which is dearer to me, I am still old fashioned, I like letters than chats and he would write that to me every time of the day... Mail boxes didn't contain his words but all the screenshots of our previous chats to our collage to our voices to his pictures which he had asked me to delete but I didn't and lied...
1 August 2015, I took a step which was deleting all the chats or talk we had, when I got to know that we couldn't be together... I deleted my Facebook account in anger and deleted his email id whose password I knew and after that I didn't go back to Facebook... Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have deleted his email id because it was his and it should be his wish to delete it or not and not mine, he must have broken badly on knowing how much I changed...
And today was another day to delete the rest of it... It felt like my mind was forcing me to delete everything but my heart was quiet, it was aching, I could literally feel the hurt and it's silence asking me not to do it because it was all the memories I had of him... Trying to sleep from 4 hours yet not sleeping, I got up, took my cell phone and started to swipe left yahoo mail and then click the trash button... There were over 2.5k mail or say memories... Then I took 3 hour break because I was feeling hard to digest it and opened my Gmail account and deleted mails from there too... For a moment I read few of the e-mails and thought to keep it but it will always feel like I am re-reading a book whose ending I already know and then gathering all the strength which was left in me I deleted the rest...
I don't have his single picture or his record or anything now, I have nothing... When I open my mail box there is nothing that I can do like re-reading our text or staring at his picture or listening to his songs, just nothing... I do have his number saved in my contact, I think about texting him but why start a conversation when nothing is going to change? I would only check whether he is online and hoping it shows 'Typing' and then leave...
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And from that day, I received may be more than 10 mails but none has his name on it... I can text or mail him but what will I talk? I know I want to hear his voice because it's with him I found myself safe or protected but time's gone long time ago and I am the only one dragging it, imagining that I am living in imaginary world and nothing has gone wrong and when I will open my eyes we will be together...
Destiny is very strange, it make us close to those who we cannot have for forever...
-me$hal-
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Follow me to keep up with me 😜...
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Twitter
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2 days ago
I was sitting uneasily asking myself why am I not able to move on? Why instead of living in the present or thinking about the future, I chose to live in the past? And my Instagram feed was filled with 'Move on', 'Live in the present' which made me take that as a sign to give life another chance... I remembered only 10% about us and the rest was forgotten because I chose to forget it but I know I can always anytime have it back... My past was alive because it was feeding itself on my memories which were stored in my mail boxes... Mail boxes, after Facebook which is dearer to me, I am still old fashioned, I like letters than chats and he would write that to me every time of the day... Mail boxes didn't contain his words but all the screenshots of our previous chats to our collage to our voices to his pictures which he had asked me to delete but I didn't and lied...
1 August 2015, I took a step which was deleting all the chats or talk we had, when I got to know that we couldn't be together... I deleted my Facebook account in anger and deleted his email id whose password I knew and after that I didn't go back to Facebook... Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have deleted his email id because it was his and it should be his wish to delete it or not and not mine, he must have broken badly on knowing how much I changed...
And today was another day to delete the rest of it... It felt like my mind was forcing me to delete everything but my heart was quiet, it was aching, I could literally feel the hurt and it's silence asking me not to do it because it was all the memories I had of him... Trying to sleep from 4 hours yet not sleeping, I got up, took my cell phone and started to swipe left yahoo mail and then click the trash button... There were over 2.5k mail or say memories... Then I took 3 hour break because I was feeling hard to digest it and opened my Gmail account and deleted mails from there too... For a moment I read few of the e-mails and thought to keep it but it will always feel like I am re-reading a book whose ending I already know and then gathering all the strength which was left in me I deleted the rest...
I don't have his single picture or his record or anything now, I have nothing... When I open my mail box there is nothing that I can do like re-reading our text or staring at his picture or listening to his songs, just nothing... I do have his number saved in my contact, I think about texting him but why start a conversation when nothing is going to change? I would only check whether he is online and hoping it shows 'Typing' and then leave...
**************************
And from that day, I received may be more than 10 mails but none has his name on it... I can text or mail him but what will I talk? I know I want to hear his voice because it's with him I found myself safe or protected but time's gone long time ago and I am the only one dragging it, imagining that I am living in imaginary world and nothing has gone wrong and when I will open my eyes we will be together...
Destiny is very strange, it make us close to those who we cannot have for forever...
-me$hal-
--------------------------------------------------------------
*********************
Follow me to keep up with me 😜...
SoundCloud
