After three games I finally had my chicken dinner like as usual it wasn't because of me like I still don't have the guts to kill the last person standing. Forget about the game, the day itself was disappointing. If sir had noticed each of our individual works, he would have appreciated me as I know I have gone sleepless nights just to finish it in a better way possible but all the credit goes to the team leader. Team does the work and leader gets the credit.
I checked the time and it was 11 p.m, dinner time had passed, I locked my cell phone and rushed out of the room. As I was moving to the kitchen I checked smili's room, she wasn't there, checked kitchen, balcony, gallery and she was nowhere to be found. And then finally went to check the washrooms, I knocked on one door and then moved to another and could hear water dropping from the tap, hearing it relaxed me a little. I waited outside for her to come out and after a while the door got opened and she came out, trying to hide her face.
I said 'hey' from behind and she replied with 'hey' while on move, I tried to follow her and asked her to stop, she suddenly turned back and hugged me tight. I hugged her back and patted on her back with a confused face.
Me: What happened? tell me.
She: Is there any problem with me? Why can't somebody stay with me? How can someone just leave? Take decisions by themselves and say it is better for both of us? Why can't anyone think how I might be feeling?
I asked her to keep calm while she continued her complaints.
She: I hate to be alone. I don't like this feeling. I hate when my heart don't feel anything. I hate this feeling. I feel so broken, my heart hurts. I have no one, everyone just left.
Me: This is a part of life, you can't expect anyone to stay.
She: You don't understand. I let people do whatever they want to do, I don't ask them why did they post this and that? Where did they go? I just let them be as they are even they spend a little or no time on me. I just ask them to stay, is it too much what I ask for? I hate this feeling of loneliness. I don't want to be alone. I want to feel my heart, that excitement, that happiness, that racing of my heart, that waiting for someone, even to feel it.
I tried to console her but I could feel her hands dropping off my shoulder and felt her heavy. She by now I understood have gotten an attack, I tried to sprinkle water on her face as I tried to call ambulance. The next moment I know we were in hospital and she in emergency ward.
I took out my cell phone to call someone but then realized I have been alone for years now, it's just I have been so much busy to notice it. Back in the days I used to cry myself to bed knowing that there was no one for me, no one waited for me and no one thought twice before leaving me. It's then when I decided to keep myself busy and to use social media less.
I thought to scroll through my contact list hoping for a name to appear to whom I could call. As the list was reaching it's end I finally saw a name and without thinking twice I called.
Me: Ma?
Ma: It's 1 a.m what are you doing this late? PUBG again? How many times should I tell you to not play it?
I decided to not say her about the situation and thought to go with the flow. I calmly listened to her and the spoke for another 5 minutes and hung the call.
I went near her room and through the glass I saw her, my heart felt broken after being practical for all these years, I could feel hurt. I started to talk to myself 'Believe it or not, we all will be alone at some point, will have to fight our own struggles, face the circumstances alone, by choice or not, we will be left alone. It's not necessary that a person decides to leave but also that their chapter gets over in your life' my thoughts got interrupted by a text message, I unlocked my cell phone to check and saw my friend's name, a smile on my face appear, after all not every bond ends, at least the ones made out of no benefits or expectations stays may be because you don't think twice before approaching.
-me$hal-
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Awesome. Thaw was lovely. We have to fight alone.
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